Quotes About Rectum

It was to a moribund horse, and Mr. Sidlow, describing the treatment to date, announced that he had been pushing raw onions up the horse's rectum; he couldn't understand why it was so uneasy on its legs. Siegfried had pointed out that if he were to insert a raw onion in Mr. Sidlow's rectum, he, Mr. Sidlow, would undoubtedly be uneasy on his legs.

But one didn't attach any more significance to these rumours than to the idea that a certain film star had a furry animal removed from his rectum

how to perform an ultrasound with one arm up a rhino's rectum.

SHOULD CIRCUMSTANCE PREVENT a man from carrying his cigarettes and cell phone in his pants pocket, the rectum provides a workable alternative. So workable that well over a thousand pounds of tobacco and hundreds of cell phones are rectally smuggled into California state prisons each year. The contraband allows incarcerated gang members and narcotics dealers to make business calls from behind bars (and to enjoy a smoke while doing so).

On the way here, I stopped in the office of a block captain who wanted to tell me about an inmate who was caught with two boxes of staples, a pencil sharpener, sharpener blades, and three jumbo binder rings in his rectum. He became known as "OD," for Office Depot. They never found out what he intended to do with the stuff.

Making matters riskier: bed pans! "The notorious frequency of sudden and unexpected deaths of patients while using bed pans in hospitals has been commented upon for many years," wrote the Cincinnati doctors. Notorious enough for a term to be coined: "bed pan death." Lying flat is as counterproductive a posture as squatting is productive. Squatting passively increases the pressure on the rectum. It does the pushing for you. It

A Dr. Courtney W. Shropshire, writing in 1912, was impressed to note that by means of "a special prostatic applicator, well lubricated, attached to the vibrator, introduced to the rectum" he was "able to empty the seminal vesicles of their secretions." Indeedy.

Stenchgator, the Great Unwiped Bum... was listed in the Bumper Book of Bums as the stinkiest bum in the world. Most bums only registered one or two points on the Rectum scale, but Stenchgator came in at a nose-bruising 9.8 points.

All the gases of flatus can make a pretty explosive combination, as was tragically demonstrated in Nancy, France, in 1978 when surgeons stuck an electrically heated wire up the rectum of a sixty-nine-year-old man to cauterize a polyp and caused an explosion that literally tore the patient apart.