Quotes About Irony

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

If you try to fail but succeed, which have you done?

There were the Steinways, for example (ironically

because although she is very pretty, she is also very dead, and dead trumps pretty much everything.

Someone who would tax them half to death but who might just keep them alive long enough to pay the taxes – a lot like modern governments, in fact.

A study found exercise may be bad for your health. Which means I'm not fat, I'm just morbidly over-healthed.

It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Sigmund Freud often remarked that great revolutions in the history of science have but one common, and ironic, feature: they knock human arrogance off one pedestal after another of our previous conviction about our own self-importance.

It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.

I started to develop a penchant for the odd hot foil of smack. After all those years of calling junkies 'the scum of the earth', I had now fallen by the wayside and had become a junkie myself!

Isn't it rich?Are we a pair?Me here at last on the ground,You in mid-air.Send in the clowns.

Life is a joke. Unfortunately, the joke is on us.

Marcos Axiom — everything said is the opposite of the facts

The clerk tripped on the carpet, hit a window and went through, carrying with him a vase which had been on the sill. His skull broke like the vase and the vase broke like his skull, and both burst forth water mainly, and from the vase some flowers. If I could choose a death I'd make it something like that, except I'd add a good woman and some lard.

The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

to him Marx and Rand were the same because he went by pant size

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows that the war is over Everybody knows that the good guys lost —LEONARD COHEN, "Everybody Knows," 1988

You couldn't have ironed her voice any flatter.

You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Which makes it life's deepest irony that children wish so deeply to grow up and the old wish nothing more than to be young again.