Quotes About Irony

He said that there was death and taxes, and taxes was worse, because at least death didn't happen to you every year.

Death strode away, stopped, and came back. He pointed a skeletal finger at The Duck Man. WHY, he said, ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH THAT DUCK? What duck? AH. SORRY.

Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in.

Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we'd been at all competent.

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

What a place! What a situation! What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

The disc's greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina, whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of History if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents. However, the gods took pity on them and turned him into an ironing board** and her into a small brass bollard. **When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons.

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

Oh, well...up until now it had been a good day, in a horrible kind of way.

Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature? I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

Being Ymor's right-hand man was like being gently flogged to death with scented bootlaces.

It's bad enough barging into Guild property, but we'll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won't stop at sarcasm. He might use' - Colon swallowed - 'irony.

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

Joshua, cynicism is the only reasonable response to the antics of humanity.

It is in the nature of the universe that the person who always keeps you waiting ten minutes will, on the day you are ten minutes tardy, have been ready ten minutes early and will make a point of not mentioning this.

Everybody present laughed nervously, except Lord Vetinari, who just laughed.

Not much call for a barbarian hairdresser, I expect,' said Rincewind. 'I mean, no-one wants a shampoo-and-beheading.

It's Tchaikovsky's 'Another One Bites the Dust,'" said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough.

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they're standing on one and being soaked by the other.

The complete reverse was so often the case that he had come to think of it as a kind of natural law.

An upturned tortoise is the ninth most pathetic thing in the entire multiverse.

He was hanged, and then much later they put up a statue to him, which tells you more about people than you might wish to know.

That's sarcasm! You can't talk to me like that! You're just a servant! That's right. And so are you.

He was stupid, yes, in the particular way that very clever people can be stupid.