Quotes About Irony

Great. Dead bodies, road kill and Toys R Us. Could this day get any better?

Yesterday Iraq had the fourth largest Army in the world. Today they have the second largest Army in Iraq.

Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day.

I put the fun in funeral.

Don't take this the wrong way,but I hope you get stabbed again.Like,real soon.I loved kissing you all better.

They say that computers can't think, but I have one that does. It thinks it's broken.

Then I could not help wondering what the watching gods thought of us, with our clever masks and our jokes. What we think of crickets, perhaps, whose singing we hear with pleasure, though some of us smash them with our heels when they venture into sight.

Irony cleans away all those secret stains. Irony is the path that leads safely back to official realities.

The fly that does not want to be swatted is safest if it sits on the fly-swat.

El primer libro que habría que prohibir en el mundo sería un catálogo de libros prohibidos.

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going

The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

You rarely meet a wino with perfect pitch.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.

The digital universe and the hydrogen bomb were brought into existence at the same time. "It is an irony of fate," observes Françoise Ulam, "that much of the high-tech world we live in today, the conquest of space, the extraordinary advances in biology and medicine, were spurred on by one man's monomania and the need to develop electronic computers to calculate whether an H-bomb could be built or not.

In the vain laughter of folly wisdom hears half its applause.