Quotes About Irony

People who think that love, sex, marriage, work, play, life and death are serious matters are urged NOT to read this book. Buy it, yes, but don't read it. [Regarding "The Fool's Progress"]

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.

How curious it was, how ironic, he decided, that the human brain seemed capable of understanding almost everything but itself.

What casual monsters we are. What calamities we are capable of.

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"

Traveler: "God has been mighty good to your fields, Mr. Farmer." Farmer: "You should have seen how he treated them when I wasn't around."

Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.

One bright day in the middle of night two dead boys rose to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and saved the lives of the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

I'm a babe magnet... just the wrong end.

If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

As the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool.

I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashes... oh, wait a minute, he already does.

If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?

One of irony's greatest accomplishments is that one cannot punish the wrongdoing of another without committing a wrongdoing himself.

I guess cows aren't into the four food groups, especially when they are two of them.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Funny how to celebrate peace we seem to want to simulate war.

Phroso made no comment on this; and the moment I had said it I heard a voice below, a voice I knew very well. 'What's the ladder here for, my friend?' it asked. 'It enables one to ascend or descend, my lord,' answered Kortes's grave voice, without the least touch of irony.

You've already said you were going to kill me," Alex said, "but I didn't think that meant you were going to bore me to death.