Quotes About Irony

It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs. Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four.

For dhrames always go by conthraries, my dear.

Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God

The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare...neither knew chocolate.

Sabes cuál es el nombre contemporáneo de la perversidad? Se llama democracia. Si un chimpancé con un tambor llega a ser popular y gracioso, podría ser elegido presidente.

It works. But the tricky thing is, it never works exactly how you expect. People think they're smart enough to summon up some entity or make someone fall in love with them and have it all turn out for the best. But they aren't smart enough. Whatever it is that usually decides our fates--Gods, luck, random chance--it's smarter than us. It's always smarter. Magic works, but it's an exercise in irony, sometimes a dangerous one. Be careful.

I wasn't just wrong. I was wrong in such a vast and specific way that I felt like the punchline of a cruel joke.

Like he was trying to make it the Four Seasons of kidnapping situations.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time.

You know, I was once named Minor League Player of the Year...unfortunately, I had been in the majors for two years at the time.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.

Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.

Though there is something cruel about being in Hawaii and you have a computer in front of you the whole time.

The last time I had this much fun was a root-canal operation.

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.

We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.