Quotes About Comedy

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they're both in my car and I want you to see them

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Sometimes, when you want to laugh, reality steps in.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as possible.

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.

I wouldnt mind being in an American film for a laugh, but I certainly dont want to be in Thingy Blah Blah 3, if you know what I mean.

I'm not very funny in real life. I used to want to be a comedian when I was 13, 14, 15, till I saw "Death Of A Salesman" with Lee J. Cobb and Mildred Dunnock.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

The prospects for a coherent, hilarious and consistent American comedy seem to lessen every year, as the poor waterlogged, gassy corpse called 'Evan Almighty' proved when it floated ashore recently. So there's a temptation to think too highly of Robin Williams's uneven but occasionally funny 'License to Wed.'

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

to be a high-school English teacher in modern Britain is to be a bad comedian in a hostile club. You have to deliver your terrible material six times a day to a crowd that would rather be somewhere else. And the heckling is vicious and it never ever stops.

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night.

But all seriousness aside

The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.