Quotes About Comedy

I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once or twice.

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.

When i have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.

My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed.

I was hamming it up so much you could virtually taste the salad too.

Honestly, some days it's like trying to get an angry ginger tom into a pair of Lycra cycling shorts.

There was a terrible depression in Germany. Along comes a man who tells them they're a great nation, all they have to do is believe in themselves and follow him. He promised them the sun, the moon and the stars. The German intellectuals and comedians made fun of him and the Nazis in their night clubs. I heard one in the Platzl in Munich. The audience loved it, adored it. But it didn't stop Nazism. They won over the lower middle classes. . .

Measured my 'thing'. It was eleven centimetres.

I asked her about my Family Allowance today, she laughed and said she used it for buying gin and cigarettes.

'Buncha Losers' comedy is one of those homegrown American art forms, up there with infomercials and Elvis-shaped soap carvings. No other civilization could have invented it. The French took a stab with Sartre's 'No Exit,' but then they had to ruin it with a lesson at the end.

It's a great counter to doing the soap because it's a comedy. It's real physical comedy.

It's much easier for me to be silly than it is to be serious on soap opera.

If work isn't rooted in comedy, people will turn from it, or they'll use it like soap opera.

It's a very short walk to go from making jokes to getting on a soapbox and going on a diatribe.