Quotes About Comedy

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

I'd like to tell you some jokes now, but you'd only laugh.

The world is a comedy to those who think; a tragedy to those who feel.

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.

I never knew an enemy to puns who was not an ill-natured man.

Of puns it has been said that those most dislike who are least able to utter them.

I don't deserve this, but I have arthritis, and I don't deserve that either.

Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.

My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her.

It is doubtless a vice to turn one's eyes inward too much, but I am my own comedy and tragedy.

Personally, I know nothing about sex because I've always been married.

Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died.

A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.

There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

This world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.

I tried acupuncture. But I didn't really get the point.

you know, I'm only marrying you for sex and food.

Eve: What do you want? Nadine: A man of amazing sexual prowess, great sensitivity, stupendous abs, and the face of an angel. Toss in a wicked sense of humor and stupendous wealth, who adores the very ground I walk on. Oh wait, you already have him.

I speak sarcasm fluently.