Quotes About Comedy

Maria Bamford is someone who's really inspired me in a big way.

He needs shaking up, I tell you, he's going to die an old maid. He gets all funny and red when unmarried ladies talk to him at church, and just look at how grumpy he's been since you've been around. We've got to save him, Amanda, he said solemnly.

You won't believe the amount of trouble we get because Howl keeps falling in love, Michael said, We've had law suits, suitors with challenges, fathers with cudgels, mothers with rolling pins. And aunts. Aunts are terrible, they go for you with hat pins.

So progressives have been working hard to come up with lies that can be passed off as facts. Progressives have a whole cultural contingent—Hollywood, the mainline media, the elite universities, even professional comedians—to peddle their propaganda. From the television show Madame Secretary to the front page of the New York Times to nightly quips by Stephen Colbert, the progressive bilge comes at us continually and relentlessly.

Progressives have a whole cultural contingent—Hollywood, the mainline media, the elite universities, even professional comedians—to peddle their propaganda. From the television show Madame Secretary to the front page of the New York Times to nightly quips by Stephen Colbert, the progressive bilge comes at us continually and relentlessly.

He is, professionally, an arbiter of comedy. "A sort of drama critic?" "More what you would term an umpire. The members of the audience are given a set of rules and the rules constitute the comedy.

Don't get angry, Porky." Harry grinned.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

MARILYN MONROE: What about the difference in our ages? JACK: Oh, it's not that big a difference. You're twenty-five and I'm thirty-nine. MARILYN MONROE: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine? JACK: Gee, I never thought of that.

MUGGER: Your money or your life. (long, awkward pause) Look bud. I said, your money or your life. JACK: I'm thinking it over!

WAITER: [serving Jack's drink] ... and one Shirley Temple. JACK: [sips drink] Wait a minute! You put Scotch in this Shirley Temple! WAITER: She's a big girl, now.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.

Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying, 'You had to be there.'

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?

Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots!

Would the tragic comedy of memory ever stop replaying?

My dream career would be to be in things that have real heart and are telling real stories but while doing that, you're getting really big laughs. I don't necessarily love the straight crazy comedies. 'Caddyshack' is amazing, but there's not a lot of new 'Caddyshack's.

Play the age as comedy if you want to get away with murder.

BERNIE BRILLSTEIN: O'Donoghue had the best line about the Muppets. He used to say, "I won't write for felt.

ALAN ZWEIBEL: We worked on "Update" up to the very last minute. Between dress and air on Saturday nights, I would go up to my office and I would watch the eleven o'clock news and if something hit me, I'd write it and it would be on television a half-hour later. You know, there were two shows where I was literally under the "Update" desk writing stuff and handing it up to Chevy while he was actually on the air.