Quotes About Comedy

I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure to do more stand-up onstage, and for the money, and for the health insurance.

Your medical tests are in. You're short fat and bald.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

I think comedy is a good way to help people change their minds. I think that if you're laughing and getting a message across, it's a lot easier than when somebody is screaming in your face.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history.

There's such a rich history in 'SNL' of political humor, and I think audience members expect that from us.

A sold-out house my first night back. Do you have any idea what kinda pressure that is? I could have been at home in my warm bed, playing Nintendo.

If you cast really funny, talented people and let them do what they need to do, they're going to hit a home run for you without a script.

Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

I'm something like the old soak who never knew whether his wife told him to take one drink and come home at 12, or take 12 and come home at one.

In an evil hour thou bring'st her home. [You are marrying a shrew.]

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

I was making a lot of 8mm home movies, since I was twelve, making little dramas and comedies with the neighborhood kids.

I would like to explore comedy more. It's not something that I've done a lot of. Obviously, I'm very at home in drama. I like everything.

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.