Quotes About Jasper Fforde

I got Oedipus off the incest charge--technicality, of course--he didn't know it was his mother at the time.

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the ProCaths tried everything. I personally saved him from assassination eight times.

the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!

I got Oedipus off the incest charge--technicality, of course--he didn't know it was his mother at the time.

Librarying is a harder profession than the public realizes, he said. People think it's all rubber stamps, knowing that Dewey 521 is celestial mechanics and saying 'Try looking under fiction' sixty eight times a day.

A Quarkbeast is a small hyena-shaped creature that is covered in leathery scales and often described as: 'One tenth Labrador, six-tenths velociraptor and three-tenths kitchen food blender.

Edward, Edward, he said with a patronising smile, there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.

Do you want some advice? Go home. You're far too inquisitive, and here in East Carmine curiosity only ends one way. Death? Worse - enlightenment.

Mr McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

Although helpful, a disembodied hand on the Bugatti's steering wheel was a bit creepy, especially because this one was hairy and had No More Pies tattooed on the back.

He said you were very dangerous. No more dangerous than anyone else who dares to speak the truth.

The SpecOps dress code stated that our apparel should be 'dignified' but in Cordelia's case they had obviously stretched a point.

boiling Mr. Wolff alive was quite outside the realm of 'reasonable force' and the fact that the large pan of water would have taken at least six hours to reach boiling point strongly indicated premeditation.

You're the Cheshire Cat, aren't you?' I asked. 'I was the Cheshire Cat,' he replied with a slightly aggrieved air. 'But they moved the county boundaries, so technically speaking I'm now the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat, but it doesn't have the same ring to it.

the known had been so long dwarfed by the unknown that confusion was an easy bedfellow.

Anything is possible right now. We're in the middle of an isolated high coincidental localised entropic field decreasement.' 'We're in a what ?' 'We're in a pseudoscientific technobabble.

The opposition Prevailingwind Party led by Alfredo Traficcone

Some people have asked me where I find the large quantity of prepositions that I need to keep my Bookworms fit and well. The answer is, of course, that I use omitted prepositions, of which, when mixed with dropped definite articles, make a nourishing food. There are a superabundance of these in the English language

She's a journalist. She wrote a long piece about whether bears should be allowed to carry weapons for self-defence.' 'The "right to arm bears" controversy?

Bah! exclaimed Rochester. Pixies both! Begone with you; we will talk later!

Sort of like using the Jabberwock to frighten children, yes?" "Well, not really," replied Deane thoughtfully, "because there is a Jabberwock. Frightfully nice fellow—good at fly-fishing and plays the bongos. I'll introduce you sometime.

He thought for a moment. "Perhaps the Bennett family could do with some thinning . . ." "Pride and Prejudice!?" yelled Mycroft. "You heartless monster!