Quotes About Vulnerability

Real empathy takes more than words—it takes work. Empathy is not simply knowing the right thing to say to someone who is experiencing shame. Our words are only as effective as our ability to be genuinely present and engaged with someone as she tells her story.

Belonging is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. When we sacrifice who we are, we not only feel separate from others, but we even feel disconnected from ourselves.

Anguish often causes us to physically crumple in on ourselves, literally bringing us to our knees or forcing us all the way to the ground.

Men and women with high levels of shame resilience: 1. Understand shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them. 2. Practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate. 3. Reach out and share their stories with people they trust. 4. Speak shame—they use the word shame, they talk about how they're feeling, and they ask for what they need.

First, when we're feeling that edge, instead of asking ourselves "What's the quickest way to make these feelings go away?," ask, "What are these feelings and where did they come from?

The element of powerlessness is what makes anguish traumatic.

The Rising Strong Process The goal of the process is to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness into our lives.

Self-kindness is both more difficult and more revolutionary than we think.

The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome

Tell me more—what are you thinking?" and respect his truth as a full truth, not just an off version of my truth.

La voluntad de dar la cara nos hace cambiar; nos hace un poco más valientes cada vez.

Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable—it's the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. In fact, the definition of shame that I developed from my research is: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.1 Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories will lead to people thinking less of us. Shame is all about fear.

Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we've lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.

Perfection is an unattainable goal.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." I still believe in this quote from two of

Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment.

Building the grounded confidence to rumble with vulnerability and discomfort rather than armoring up, running away, shutting down, or tapping out, completely prepares you for living into your values, building trust, and learning to rise.

If you put shame into a petri dish and douse it with these three things, it will grow exponentially into every corner and crevice of our lives. The antidote to shame is empathy. If we reach out and share our shame experience with someone who responds with empathy, shame dissipates.

Emotional stoicism and self-control are rewarded, and displays of emotion are punished. Vulnerability is now weakness. Anger becomes an acceptable substitute for fear, which is forbidden.

living BIG [Boundaries Integrity Generosity] saved us that morning. Had either one of us assumed the worst, defaulted to the easy route, or gone into self-protection or attack mode, it would be a different, albeit familiar, story.

Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you love. Most of us shame, belittle and criticize ourselves in ways we'd never think of doing to others. I would never look at Ellen or Charlie and say, "God, you're so stupid!" Yet I can whisper that to myself in a heartbeat. p158

The stories of our struggles are difficult for everyone to own, and if we've worked hard to make sure everything looks "just right" on the outside, the stakes are high when it comes to truth-telling. This is why shame loves perfectionists—it's so easy to keep us quiet.

compassion is our default response. I think our first response to pain—ours or someone else's—is to self-protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame. Or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgment or by immediately going into fix-it

All of my stages were different suits of armor that kept me from becoming too engaged and too vulnerable. Each strategy was built on the same premise: Keep everyone at a safe distance and always have an exit strategy.