Quotes About Safety

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

It is one of those lessons that every child should learn: Don't play with fire, sharp objects, or ancient artifacts.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

The problem with the designated driver programme, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At then end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.

I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

As I mentioned we have arrested or detained over 1,000 people here in America to determine to find out what they know.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

Reggie, you wrapped your sports car around a telephone pole after drinking a bar." "Yeah... But I was wearing my seatbelt.