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He was a psychologist, and degrees in psychology, I find, often conceal deviant tendencies.

Ideology is masturbation, a jerk-off afforded to those few privileged with time on their hands and no wolves at the door.

Why can't you place a blessing like that on us? I asked. It only works on wild animals. So it would only affect Percy, Annabeth reasoned. Hey! I protested.

She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

Like water leaking through a dam, said Piper. Yeah, smiled Percy. We've got a dam hole. What? Piper asked. Nothing, he said. Inside joke.

Behold! Percy shouted. The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!

Braccas meas vescimini ! I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!

Can we just call them storm spirits?" Leo asked. "Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks.

Two hundred Romans, and no one's got a pen? Never mind! He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write. Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form? Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.

You're a stalker with hooves. I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.

Erre es korakas, Blinky! Dionysus cursed. I will have your soul!

Oh no. I said panic rising in my chest. No, no, no, Somebody get a can opener. I've got a god in my head!!

Leo couldn't help smiling. That could be fun. Fun she said unhappily. Blue elephants. Blue elephants. Kiss me you fool. You fool.

Meat! he said scornfully. I'm a vegetarian. You eat cheese enchiladas and aluminum cans, I reminded him. Those are vegetables.

Vulcan? Leo demanded. I don't even LIKE Star Trek!

Look, Percy continued, I know I'm new here. I know you guys don't like to mention the massacre in the nineteen eighties- He mentioned it! one of the ghosts whimpered.

Five syllables, Apollo said, counting them on his fingers. That would be real bad.

Apollo?" I guessed… He put a finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred." A god named Fred?

Your uncle, Poseidon sighed, has always had a flair for dramatic exits. I think he would've done well as the god of theater.

Great, I thought. We just blowtorched a national monument.

Leo: I'm almost out of gas! Woah, that came out wrong. I meant the burning kind!

We should go straight west. The prophecy said west. Oh, like your tracking skills are better? Thalia growled. Zoe stepped toward her. You challenge my skills, you scullion? You know nothing of being a Hunter! Oh, scullion . You're calling me a scullion? What the heck is a scullion?

It's my birthday, Horus insisted. Wish me happy birthday! "Happy birthday!" I yelled. "Now shut up!

What's Cabin Nine? Leo asked. And I'm not a Vulcan! Come on, Mr. Spock, I'll explain everything.