Quotes About Marriage

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

You can tell how long a couple has been married by whether they are on their first, second, or third bottle of Tabasco.

Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work.

The highest happiness on earth is marriage.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

25th Anniversary. — Love seems the swiftest but is the slowest of all growths. No man and woman really know what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

A chap ort t' save a few o' th' long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.

A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.

I hate friendship, it is very overrated relation. It always beaten by marriage and love. When it comes to chose, Marriage-Gold medal, Love-Silver and Friendship-No medal. No one has dare to chose friends at first place. Friends always got abandoned.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. 

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse — as a man shoots himself.

Alimony — The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

Alimony: the ransom the happy pay to the devil.

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails.

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.

In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic; a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts; an enabler rather than a reformer.