Quotes About Marriage

It was really shocking to me that when I was dating a dude I could get married and my taxes were 8 grand less, blah blah blah.

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

I always say now that I'm in my blonde years. Because since the end of my marriage, all of my girlfriends have been blonde.

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

I don't date rock 'n' rollers. I just marry them.

Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, 'The way I look at it, she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'

I'm more afraid of marriage than death.

Compatible comes from the Latin "compati", meaning "to suffer with". If you are not willing to suffer with someone until death do you part, then you are not compatible.

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Journalist: 'Have you received any death threats?' Harry Redknapp: 'Only from the wife when I didn't do the washing up!'.

In three days," he continued, "I will be your husband. I will take a solemn vow to protect you until death do us part. Do you understand what that means?" "You'll save me from marauding minotaurs?

But I will be, A bridegroom in my death, and run into't As to a lover's bed.

Honey, I plan to marry you the moment the ink is dry on that death certificate.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Talking to Marcia about their engagement, he was almost able to look the other way and rush to embrace the security and predictability and contentment of a normal life lived in normal times.

One of the first rules of any marriage, (1) Don't forget the benefits of her (his) stupidity. (2) She (he) cannot be taught anything by you, so don't try.

The perfect couple: she puts the id back in Yid, I put the oy back in goy.

When Heshie was killed in the war, the only thing people could think to say to my Aunt Clara and my Uncle Hymie, to somehow mitigate the horror, to somehow console them in their grief, was, "At least he didn't leave you with a shikse wife. At least he didn't leave you with goyische children." End of Heshie and his story.

The second crazy wife. Was there any other kind?

Every wife should have a husband like Norman, revere a husband like Norman instead of battering on his decency with her low-minded delights.

You want monogamy outside marriage and adultery inside marriage.

For a rabbi to officiate at the marriage of a person to an animal, the animal has to chew its cud and have a cloven hoof. A camel. A rabbi can marry a person to a camel. A cow. Any kind of cattle. Sheep. Can't marry someone to a rabbit, however, because even though a rabbit chews its cud, it doesn't have a cloven hoof.