Quotes About Deception

Otherwise, everything I'd ever felt about this great country was a crock of shit.

Los políticos, como los niños, tienden a mentir como primera reacción. Es natural. La mentira es un manto que resguarda en primera instancia. Pero la verdad es terca y muerde con dientes afilados.

The clip-joints are filled every night with marks who crave the tat," said one con man. "If you gave one of them an even break, it would spoil his evening.

Run to the local bookshop and buy a copy of How to Learn Mind Control in Ten Minutes by Professor Stephen Haste and very quickly hypnotise Miss Spite into thinking he had already given her his homework. Disguise himself as a plate of spaghetti Bolognese. Bribe the school nurse into telling Miss Spite he had died.

have your chocolate stolen?

Allah told me that it was what I was supposed to do. He told me to trick the white man, that getting close to him was the only way I was going to get back to Africa. And that I had to forsake all that got into my path.

The bigger the lie, apparently, the more likely the uninformed were to accept it, simply because they couldn't believe any government would tell such an absurd story unless it were true.

If somebody wants to be your enemy, there's only one thing you can do. You give them exactly what they want. It confuses them and makes them wonder what you're up to.

My pleasure. Listen," he called after her, "this is as far as I can go. They poisoned the water out there and I can't follow you now. If you do see Powell, will you give him a message for me?" "Sure," she said, turning around. "Tell him I have his boots in my truck. In case he's looking for 'em." Chey smiled. It felt wrong on her face, but she liked it all the same. "I'll do that.

the emperor had chewed off his balls and stuffed a one-way ticket to the Black Sea up his rectum [Marcus Corvinus explains what happened to Ovid]

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

The zombie looks like a man, walks like a man, eats and otherwise functions fully, yet is devoid of the spark. It represents the nagging doubt that lays deep in the heart of even the most zealous believer: behind all of your pretty songs and stained glass, this is what you really are. Shambling meat. Our true fear of the zombie was never that its bite would turn us into one of them. Our fear is that we are already zombies.

There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?

I keep the gun in a hollowed out copy of the Koran. And there the big book was, tossed on the bed, open and gunless. Nothing else disturbed. I mean, they actually checked my Koran to see if there was a gun inside. I knew I was dealing with a sick son of a bitch.

At this point, John flung himself to the ground and screamed, "YOU SHOT ME! AAARRRRGHHH!" Not a shot had been fired. I rushed to John's side. "You shot him! He has four kids! Or should I say, four orphans.

Sure, Satan would do her favors now and then, but there's always a catch with the Devil.

But here's the thing—lying would have become useless thousands of years ago if countering it was as simple as dismissing the liars completely. The really good liars were like chemists, brewing formulas that were mostly truth, the toxins undetectable in the mixture.

I stared at the thing, blinking, thinking it would reveal itself to be, I don't know, a hot-water heater or something. Then I realized the monster-shaped shadow was, surprisingly, a monster.

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization

They were steak-shaped dog treats, complete with little brown grill lines. I realized at that moment that no dog would know what those grill lines were and that they were purely for my benefit.

making our way through a theme movie night (we'd picked out four films in which the ending is probably the main character's dying hallucination: Taxi Driver, Minority Report, The Shawshank Redemption, and Mrs. Doubtfire). In

What's up. This is Dave, the one you saw in your hallway. He's not a psychotic killer or anything," he lied

You see, because John and I have this thing where we're both seeing completely different versions of you. Now, John has eyesight problems because of his constant masturbation, but I don't think—" She burst into snakes.

TACO STORM? • FAKE ALIEN INVASION? NUCLEAR BOMB? • ECHO HACKS AND/OR SEDUCES SOMETHING • DEFACE THE FIRE AND ICE (DONGS?) • CATS CATS CATS • GET MOLECH BACK HERE (FART RAY?) • WILL WORKS HIS MAGIC (LIKE IN "THE RINGMASTER")