Quotes About Performance

There must be a law against forcing children to perform at an early age. Children should have a wonderful childhood. They should not be given too much responsibility.

For, Heaven be thank'd, we live in such an age, when no man dies for love, but on the stage.

I'm a one-man idiot.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a poodle.

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.

Of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.

Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.

The execs don't care what color you are. They care about how much money you make. Hollywood is not really black or white. It's green.

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but has the incredible skill to make everyone else believe in it.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything.

An actor is something less than a man, while an actress is something more than a woman.

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on.

CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.

All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players.

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages.

Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women.

Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualification.