Quotes About Understanding

There's a difference between pain and suffering,

Even in the best possible relationship, you're going to get hurt sometimes, and no matter how much you love somebody, you will at times hurt that person, not because you want to, but because you're human.

I'm smiling, Sherlock, because I know exactly what's bothering my wife!" "Ah!" I reply. "So—" "Wait, wait. I'm getting to the best part," he interrupts. "So, like I said, I really do know what's wrong, but I'm not that interested in hearing another complaint. So this time, instead of asking, I decide I'm going to—

People want to be understood and to understand, but for most of us, our biggest problem is that we don't know what our problem is. We keep stepping in the same puddle. Why do I do the very thing that will guarantee my own unhappiness over and over again?

ultracrepidarianism, which means "the habit of giving opinions and advice on matters outside of one's knowledge or competence." It's a reminder to myself that as a therapist, I can come to understand people and help them sort out what they want to do, but I can't make their life choices for them.

There's a biblical saying that translates roughly as 'First you will do, then you will understand.' Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and experience something before its meaning becomes apparent. It's one thing to talk about leaving behind a restrictive mindset. It's another to stop being so restrictive. The transfer of words into action, the freedom of it, made me want to carry the action outside the therapy room and into my life.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing, in the way that apologies can be. Are you apologizing because it makes you feel better or because it will make the other person feel better? Are you sorry for what you've done or are you simply trying to placate the other person who believes you should be sorry for the thing you feel completely justified in having done? Who is the apology for?

Our experiences with this person are important because we're probably feeling something pretty similar to what everyone else in this patient's life feels.

I'm mindful of the fact that Very Angry People aren't Very Approachable.

we both know in a bone-deep way that there's nothing else to say.

When working with couples on empathy, often I'll say, "Before you speak, ask yourself, What is this going to feel like to the person I'm speaking to? " I make a mental note to share this with John one day.

I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. Namast'ay in Bed . . . that's exactly how I feel!

Because therapists know that at first, each patient is simply a snapshot, a person captured in a particular moment. It's like a photo of you taken from an unfortunate angle and with a sour expression on your face. There might also be a photo in which you're glowing, caught opening a present or mid-laugh with a lover. Both are you in that fraction of time, and neither is you in your entirety.

You know, John," I'd said the week before as he texted away, "I'm curious if you have any reaction to my feeling dismissed when you do this." He held up a finger—Hang on—but continued to text. When he finished, he looked up at me. "Sorry, what was I saying?" I loved that. Not "What were you saying" but "What was I saying.

Diagnosis has

Una conversazione implica una specie di collaborazione e, spesso, un atto di perdono. Quando parlo posso sbagliarmi ma, in qualche modo, riesco a spiegarmi. Sulla pagina sono sola. La lingua parlata è una specie di antecamera rispetto a quella scritta, la quale ha una propria logica, ancora più severa, più inafferrabile.

We do not want to comprehend that people may and do die of emotional pain, or to recognize the terror in ourselves when we cannot seem to help someone in despair -- when our words are empty.

I am thinking about you, I say to her. Can you hear me?

We enter people's lives and then realize we've walked into a deep and long history that shapes and gives form to our every moment.

The great tragedy is that knowledge-even incomplete-comes late.

Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated.

When we are being compassionate, we consider another's circumstance with love rather than judgement... To be compassionate is to move into the right here, right now with an open heart consciousness and a willingness to be supportive.

My left brain is doing the best job it can with the information it has to work with. I need to remember, however, that there are enormous gaps between what I know and what I think I know.

Yelling louder does not help me understand you any better! Don't be afraid of me. Come closer to me. Bring me your gentle spirit. Speak more slowly. Enunciate more clearly. Again! Please, try again. S-l-o-w down. Be kind to me. Be a safe place for me. See that I am a wounded animal, not a stupid animal. I am vulnerable and confused. Whatever my age, whatever my credentials, reach for me. Respect me. I am in here. Come find me.