Quotes About Rubbers

She says, Do you have any rubbers? I say, I thought she was barren. Sure, I'm sterile, she says, but I've had unprotected sex with a million guys. I could have some terrible fatal disease. I say that would only be a problem if I wanted to live a lot longer. Fertility says, That's how I feel about my giant credit card debt. So we have sex. If you could call it that.

This is a trap. If I say, Oh, yeah, I roll rubbers onto new dry erections all the time, I'll get the slut lecture from my father. But if I tell them, No, we'll get to spend Christmas Day practicing to protect me from fruit.

[On Lou Tellegen's Women Have Been Kind:] The book ... has all the elegance of a quirked little finger and all the glitter of a pair of new rubbers.