Quotes About Identity

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to pay him if he ever has to give a thumbprint.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle-baby.

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter. She takes after my daddy. She ought to. She's his.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'

I'd rather be called 'Sleazy' than to be identified as intelligent.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I rant, therefore I am.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Myspace is my ex husband, Facebook is my baby daddy, Twitter is my ho and I'm in a serious relationship with Instagram.