Quotes About Conflict

Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility or relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known.

Stejn? jako nejsou všichni, kte?í Putina podporují, našimi nep?áteli, nejsou ani všichni, kte?í mu oponují, našimi p?áteli.

she needed someone to hold her, but she couldn't bring herself to ask her husband, not after what she had done to him.

Looks like the goddamned General Assembly at the UN.

the turkey shoot back in

We were ordered to war but not allowed to win the war. We were ordered to kill but court-martialed for killing. We were ordered to defeat Communism in Southeast Asia only to see Communism win at home.

I need to talk to you about something. I was so busy feeling upset with you and then acting impatient and irritated that I stepped on your toes instead of walking in your shoes. When I stopped to do that, I thought if I were you, I'd feel frustrated (scared, angry, etc.). Is that true?

anger and empathy—like matter and antimatter—can't exist in the same place at the same time. Let one in, and you have to let the other one go. So when you shift a blamer into empathy, you stop the person's angry ranting dead in its tracks.

When people go on the attack it's usually because they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they've been treated poorly. That's especially true if you're dealing with angry and frustrated customers. Often such people feel hurt in many areas of life but save their "road rage" for outbursts that they believe won't get them fired, divorced, or arrested—like kicking the dog or yelling at you.

Becoming defensive or counterattacking simply reinforces the idea that you think these people are wrong and unimportant (and stupid), which amplifies their mirror neuron gap and fuels their fire. When you make a counterintuitive move and encourage them to talk, you do the opposite: You mirror respect and interest, and they feel compelled to send the same message back.

An ounce of apology is worth a pound of resentment

1. Recognize that the person you're dealing with isn't able to think rationally in the current situation.

3. Realize that the crazy behavior isn't about you. Instead, it's all about the person you're dealing with.

Why is stipulation a smart technique? Because when people already know (or will quickly find out) the problem that you're admitting to, your best move is to get it out of the way. Even better, you can often transform that problem into a powerful asset.

The key fact to know when somebody goes nuclear is that the person is stuck in attack mode, so rational, reasonable, intelligent conversation won't work. A guy who's throwing a computer at the boss or waving a gun around can't listen to reason, because he can't access the higher thought processes that say "Hey, calm down—this is crazy.

Your task, if you're facing a person who's running amok, is to break that lock. How? By talking the person up gradually from "I want to hurt someone" to "I'm terribly upset" to "I need to find a smart way to handle this." These stages correlate with the three levels of the brain: the primitive reptile brain, the emotional mammal brain, and the logical human brain.

To do that, follow these steps: 1. Say, "Tell me what happened." Venting allows the person to begin moving from blindly striking out (the most primitive response) to feeling emotional (a higher response). The person's screaming or yelling will upset you, but it's far less dangerous than the threat of physical violence—so let it happen.

Stage 2 At this point, you're dealing with someone who's no longer striking out wildly but is still venting—better, but still a problem. So your next goal is to move the person from the emotional middle (mammal) brain up into the rational upper (human) brain.

People who live with substance abusers know that refusing to cooperate with the addiction can trigger an explosive outburst or a childish accusation.

And what about the person who's on the defensive? Initially, this human punching bag is frustrated because no matter what he or she is trying to mirror outward——I'm sorry, I'm confused, I'm scared, I had a good reason for what I did—the ignorant blamer is blind to it. As a result, the person who's under attack is usually in a state of quiet, barely controlled rage.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." —INDIRA GANDHI

An ounce of apology is worth a pound of resentment and a ton of "acting out by underperforming.

Your brain has three layers that evolved over millions of years: a primitive reptile layer, a more evolved mammal layer, and a final primate layer. They all interconnect, but in effect they often act like three different brains—and they're often at war with each other.

Almost all the trouble spots involved local opposition to residential displacement and community destruction.