Quotes About Conflict

It is because you were not allowed to be a normal city with normal people, so much so that you become an abnormal place with abnormal people- Arabs and Jews alike.

Verbal clashes seldom come to a satisfying end. They peter out in weak retorts that leave you wishing you'd been as clever in the moment as you are in reviewing the conversation later.

The practice of baring all, analyzing every nuance embedded in a quarrel, is a surefire way to keep an argument alive. Better to establish a temporary peace and revisit the conflict later. Often, by then, both parties have decided the issue isn't worth the relationship.

Fifty percent of the local citizens are sympathetic and the other fifty are pissed as hell. Does the problem get solved? No, it does not.

should be relieved, but I'm pissed. The irony is that he's probably still going to dominate my life.

You'd think she'd be relieved, I said. From what I hear, he beat the shit out of her. Not at first. She was crazy about him when he first got out. Still is, actually. That's probably why she called him the world's biggest asshole at the funeral, I remarked.

Here's a tip, Self. Do not argue with a lunatic. Arguing with a lunatic simply ensures that you'll climb into his craziness with him when what you want to do is take a big step back. He

The quality of our love relationships is also a big factor in how mentally and emotionally healthy we are. We have an epidemic of anxiety and depression in our most affluent societies. Conflict with and hostile criticism from loved ones increase our self-doubts and create a sense of helplessness, classic triggers for depression. We need validation from our loved ones. Researchers say that marital distress raises the risk for depression tenfold!

For all of us, the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the person who can send us crashing back to earth.

The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later.

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long.

By far the most dominant of the trio is the Protest Polka. In this dialogue, one partner becomes critical and aggressive and the other defensive and distant. Psychologist John Gottman of the University of Washington in Seattle finds that couples who get stuck in this pattern in the first few years of marriage have more than an 80 percent chance of divorcing within four or five years.

Partners sometimes can see glimpses of the Demon Dialogue they're trapped in—Jim tells me he "knows" he will hear how he has disappointed Carol before she even speaks and so has put up a "wall" to keep from "catching fire"—but the pattern has become so automatic and so compelling that they cannot stop it. Most couples, however, aren't aware of the pattern that has taken hold of their relationship.

When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness

I never saw the whole picture. I just knew he wasn't close to me. I saw him as not caring. Now I see how he was ducking my bullets and trying to calm me down. I shoot when I get desperate and can't get a reaction any other way.

what I call the Content Tube. This is where partners bring up detailed example after detailed example of each other's failures to prove their point. The couple fight over whether these details are "true" and whose bad behavior "started this.

couples' conflicts assume their true meaning: they are frightened protests against eroding connection and a demand for emotional reengagement.

The secret to stopping the dance is to recognize that no one has to be the bad guy. The accuse/accuse pattern itself is the villain here, and the partners are the victims.

Well, first you have to see the circular pattern of responses and really understand that proving the other wrong just pushes you further and further apart. The temptation to be the "winner" and to make the other admit she is at fault is just part of the trap.

Sam felt more and more that there was no room for him to be who he really was with Claire.

I don't remember what they said, only the fury of their words, how the air turned raw and full of welts. Later it would remind me of birds trapped inside a closed room, flinging themselves against the windows and the walls, against each other.

At the age of eleven, I owned a slave I couldn't free.O

As long as you live under my roof, you'll do what I say! he shouted. Then I'll find another roof, I thought. You understand me? he said. Yes sir, I understand I said, and I did too. I understand that a new rooftop would do wonders for me.

That's a millstone for you," I told her, "I'm sorry," and the minute it left my mouth, I knew it was coming from the true mind that was me, not the mind for the master to see. I was sorry for her. Sarah had jimmied herself into my heart, but at the same time, I hated the eggshell color of her face, the helpless way she looked at me all the time. She was kind to me and she was part of everything that stole my life.