Quotes About Absurdity

Without a sense of humor, you are blind to so much in this world. To human nature. To the absurdity of so much that we say and do.

People spoke of ill luck. Mischance. They spoke of unruly spirits and vengeful gods. And some spoke of the most terrible truth of all – that the world and all life in it was nothing but a blind concatenation of random occurrences. Cause and effect did nothing but map out the absurdity of things, before which even the gods were helpless.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

I'm so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".