Quotes About Pearly Gates

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

When I'm standing at the Pearly Gates, I want to say to God, 'Don't look at the records. Look at my family. I'm much prouder about that part.'

The twelve gates were twelve pearls . . . and the street of the city was pure gold. – Revelation 21:21

Bramall told a joke about a lawyer who died and got to the pearly gates. Not fair, he said. I'm only 45. Saint Pete said no, we got a new system. Now we do it by billable hours. According to our records you're 153.

Bramall told a joke about a lawyer who died and got to the pearly gates. Not fair, he said. I'm only forty-five. Saint Pete said no, we got a new system. Now we do it by billable hours. According to our records you're 153.

When I get "too busy" to pray, I envision Jesus at the Pearly Gates showing me the time I wasted looking for something to watch on Netflix.

I'm subject to occasional theological nightmares. The one that leaves me in a cold sweat every time is, I arrive at the pearly gates and the first thing I'm asked is where I went to college.

The conversation progressed, bumper-car style, to a very heated discussion about death and the survival of the soul. It amazes me that we, as a species, can argue so fervently over something that is, when all is said and done, unknowable and unprovable. Nonetheless, we all arrive at conclusions and cleave to our certainties: that there is nothing but the Void; or that we will find ourselves writing an admissions exam at the Pearly Gates.

Really, just looking around, you feel a twinge of pity for the poor souls who succeeded in getting past the Pearly Gates. One can't help but picture the lackluster VIP lounge in Heaven, a kind of nonalcoholic ice-cream social starring Harriet Beecher Stowe and Mahatma Gandhi. Hardly anyone's idea of a with-it social register.

I envy the people who say, 'oh, well, I've got my name in the golden book and I'm going to be entered into the pearly gates.'

I dread my trial at the pearly gates - knowing my luck, I'll be hot on the heels of a blameless nun who will be ushered straight to a luscious cloud with prime sea views.

What do you think Jesus is gonna say if we come walking up to those pearly gates carrying a whole sackful of grievances and grudges on our backs? Jesus is gonna ask, What's that you toting there on your back? Do you want to be opening that sack and showing Him all those ugly things? He's dressed all in white and shining like the sun, and you're coming in with a load of hate in your arms? Umm hmm. I can't imagine doing that.

What do you think Jesus is gonna say if we come walking up to those pearly gates carrying a whole sackful of grievances and grudges on our backs?