Quotes About Expectation

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first

I know not what tomorrow will bring.

Tombay's hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

If a playwright is funny, the English look for a serious message, and if he's serious, they look for a joke.

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.

I have always wanted a mistress who was fat, and I have never found one. To make a fool of me, they are always pregnant.

We do not know when he is coming. He is coming tomorrow.

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

Someone came too sooner.

Thirty, thirty-five, forty, all had come to visit her like admonitory relatives, and all had slipped away without a trace, without a sound, and now, once again, she was waiting.

For years politicians have promised the Moon. I'm the first one to be able to deliver it.

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

We will see how the issue will turn out when they come to Baghdad.

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

I had a couple of decent laughs on Townies, but for the most part, delivering a joke that you just know is not funny is hard.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.

Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."