Quotes About Mitch Hedberg

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. "Sir, you forgot this!" "No, I did not. That is for 'sale'. Please alphabetize 'it'."