Quotes About Patience

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap ... but by the seeds you plant!

Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

It takes a long time to become young.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Never fight an inanimate object.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.