Quotes About Surprise

changed back into my comfy T-shirt advertising beer, crawled into bed, and switched the light off. I woke up at sunrise with Ranger next to me. Naked. No surprise there. Ranger always slept naked.

You took your clothes off? You didn't notice? No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you. If you look under the covers, you'll know me better. I don't want to know you better! That's a big fib, Diesel said.

Even more bothersome was the fact that Eddie Kuntz's napkin was moving on his lap without benefit of hands. My first inclination was to shout Snake! and shoot, but probably that wouldn't hold up in court. Besides, as much as I disliked Eddie Kuntz, I could sort of identify with a man who got a stiffie over banana cream pie.

Holy cow!" I said. "You can't go to the door like that!" "My gun's in the kitchen." "Yes, but your underwear's on the floor in my bedroom!" And that wasn't the biggest problem.

Morelli ran after him, there was a lot of yelling and growling, and Morelli came down empty-handed. "He ate it," Morelli said. I was horrified to the point of gagging. Ranger stared down at his shoe, making a monumental effort not to laugh. And Morelli stood hands on hips, staring at the bloody splotch on his rug.

Will you look at this, Grandma said. Closed casket. Isn't this a fine howdy-do. I get dressed up and come out to pay my respects, and I don't even get to see anything. Martha Deeter was shot and autopsied. They'd taken her brain out to get weighed. After she was put back together she probably looked like Frankenstein. I was personally relieved to see a closed casket.

What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked.

into my comfy T-shirt advertising beer, crawled into bed, and switched the light off. I woke up at sunrise with Ranger next to me. Naked. No surprise there. Ranger always slept naked.

There was only one way I could see managing this. I got out, ran around the car, opened his door, and straddled him with one leg outside and one foot on the console. Beeeeeep! My ass was on the horn. Beeeep, beeeep, beeeep, beepbeepbeepbeepbeep! A bead of sweat streaked down the side of Ranger's face. "Babe.

Grandma pulled a .44 magnum out of her purse. Everybody duck, and I'll shoot out his tires.

He exposed himself,' I said. 'Men aren't supposed to go around exposing themselves at unsuspecting women.' 'Well, technically none of us was unsuspecting,' Grandma said. 'We wait for him to show up. I guess it's one of them generation things. You get to an age and you look forward to seeing a winkie at four in the afternoon when you're peeling potatoes for supper.

Okay, so this had all the makings of a cluster fuck, but there was a Dairy Queen Oreo Cheese-Quake Blizzard waiting for me somewhere.

I set the box of biscuits on the counter and went to the bathroom, and when I returned the biscuits were gone. Only a slobbery, mangled corner of the box remained.

How's it going?" Morelli wanted to know. "It's average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower." "Yeah, same ol', same ol'," Morelli said.

Dang," Grandma said, "guess I left the wrong hole empty." She leaned forward to examine her handiwork. "Not bad for my first time with a gun. I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.

The doorbell rang and Grandma ran to get it. "It's him," she said to me. "It's my honey." My father got out of his chair in the living room and took his seat at the table. "I don't care if he craps in a bag," he said to Ranger. "I'll give you a hundred bucks if you can scare him into marrying her and moving her into his room at the old people's home.

I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.

He had his hand in your pants and he kissed you," Lula said. "I'm wetting myself.

Do I look like I'm dressed for a snake jamboree? I don't think so.

drawn, eyes wide. "Holy Toledo," she said. "I called everyone I could think of while I was driving," Sally said.

I'm always amazed at how you never destroy my cars the same way twice. This one is especially clever the way it's impaled on the tree.

Babe!" Ranger shouted from the bathroom. "Come get your grandmother.

Here it is. You think you know someone and then next thing they tell you is that they want a Chihuahua named Chardonnay.

Holy Mary, mother of God," my mother said. "You were being chased by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and a rabbit.