Quotes About Perspective

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but molested you.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

It's important for men to get your money right. Women, it's important for you to get your money right, but it's not as important for you as it is for us. Why women? Cause no one will ever not fuck you cause you're broke. Your pussy will never be turned down for financial reason. It ain't gonna happen. That's right, pussy is like Visa, accepted everywhere.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

As Daniel Patrick Moynihan said, "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.

they've got another think coming

What is it they say about an organisation being like a tree full of monkeys? The ones at the top look down and see a lot of smiling faces, the ones at the bottom look up and see a bunch of arseholes?

If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy." ~ Jon Stewart

You're tired of hearing about racism? Imagine how fucking exhausting it is living it." ~ Jon Stewart

I'm kind of relieved I don't have to say anything on TV about tragedies anymore. ~ JON STEWART

If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy." LARRY

We were doing a joke having to do with Toy Story, the last one, Toy Story 3. We were saying it was a tearjerker, and Jon's like, "What made it a tearjerker?" So I was telling him the premise of the story: Andy goes off to college and leaves all of his toys behind. Jon says, "I don't get it, what's so sad?" And I was like, "Oh my God, you're Andy and we're your toys. Holy shit, you insensitive prick!

I wasn't lost, because I didn't allow myself to think I was. Being lost is a state of mind.

As I've gotten older I've occasionally found myself nostalgic for earlier periods of solitude, though I realize that's also likely a false nostalgia, as I know there was nothing I wanted more during those periods than to not be alone, whatever that means.

Understand that being able to say, 'I don't know what to do with my life' is an incredible privilege that 99% of the rest of the world will never enjoy.

It's somehow more comforting to imagine that one's suffering is unique, and to measure against what one doesn't know, rather than against what one does.

Sitting behind the bench at games is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through because basketball is really most of my happiness. So when I can't go out there and exert energy and have fun and things like that, it kind of puts everything else into perspective.

It is my sincere belief that our dissatisfaction in life is directly proportional to the magnitude of disagreement between our interpretation of reality and reality itself.