Quotes About Perspective

marriage, children, illness, and death were life-changing events. Everything else was just ripples in the river.

I need to talk to you about something. I was so busy feeling upset with you and then acting impatient and irritated that I stepped on your toes instead of walking in your shoes. When I stopped to do that, I thought if I were you, I'd feel frustrated (scared, angry, etc.). Is that true?

Perceiving is believing. Misperceiving is deceiving— And worse yet, prevents achieving.

Remember: You can't always change the people around you. But you can change the people you're around.

Understanding a person's hunger and responding to it is one of the most potent tools you'll ever discover for getting through to anyone you meet in business or your personal life.

happiness is actually more closely tied to how you perceive and emotionally react to the events and people around you. That's because people who perceive the world as positive or negative will react to it positively or negatively.

Questioning works better than telling. That's why Will didn't tell Evan, "Don't let your friends get you into trouble." Instead, he asked questions that made Evan think, "Who's likely to get into trouble, and what should I do if it happens?" In other words, Will didn't talk down to Evan, or talk at him. Instead, the two talked side by side emotionally as well as physically.

anger and empathy—like matter and antimatter—can't exist in the same place at the same time. Let one in, and you have to let the other one go. So when you shift a blamer into empathy, you stop the person's angry ranting dead in its tracks.

Making someone "feel felt" simply means putting yourself in the other person's shoes. When you succeed, you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. At that instant, instead of trying to get the better of each other, you "get" each other and that breakthrough can lead to cooperation, collaboration, and effective communication.

It's hard to realize that you might be wrong when you think you're right—especially when your logic, analysis, emotions, experience, and preparation all point toward your conclusion. As Mark Twain said, "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

Becoming defensive or counterattacking simply reinforces the idea that you think these people are wrong and unimportant (and stupid), which amplifies their mirror neuron gap and fuels their fire. When you make a counterintuitive move and encourage them to talk, you do the opposite: You mirror respect and interest, and they feel compelled to send the same message back.

Move a person from hostility to mild confusion and already you've moved one step in the right direction.

It is not a guilt tripping, it is empathy training

The customer is sometimes wrong. —HERB KELLEHER, FORMER CHAIRMAN AND CEO, SOUTHWEST AIRLINES

1. Recognize that the person you're dealing with isn't able to think rationally in the current situation.

3. Realize that the crazy behavior isn't about you. Instead, it's all about the person you're dealing with.

4. Talk with the irrational person, leaning into his crazy by entering his world calmly and with intention.

6. Help guide the person to a saner way of thinking when he is calm.

When you use the Empathy Jolt, avoid the mistake of interjecting your own opinions during the process—even if they're positive ones ("I certainly agree about what you're saying about Simon's talents"). Your goal is to get two people to mirror each other, and they can't do that if you're standing between them. So facilitate, but don't butt in.

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." —CONFUCIUS

When you understand irrational people's M.O.s, it'll be easier for you to realize that their weeping, coldness, whining, withdrawal, or attack-dog behavior isn't really about you. Instead, it's about them and their need to feel in control.

Perceiving is believing. Misperceiving is deceiving— And worse yet, prevents achieving. The

Think about what you're thinking. When you consciously analyze the ideas you've formed about a person and weigh these perceptions against reality, you can rewire your brain and build new, more accurate perceptions. Then you'll be communicating with the person who's really in front of you—not the fictitious character conjured up by your false perceptions.

You can't always change the people around you. But you can change the people you're around.