Quotes About Steven Wright

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'That's what I should do; I should write one-liners.' And I did. My first album is mostly one-liners.

Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

I love Steven Wright.

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.