Quotes About Christmas

Most Americans acquire dogs impulsively and for dubious reasons: as a Christmas gift for the kids. Because they saw one in a movie. To match the new living-room furniture. Because they moved to the suburbs and see a dog as part of the package.

I once did a gig at an office Christmas party in the showroom floor of a friend's father's home appliance shop in the suburbs of Melbourne. It was to a much older crowd. Without a microphone. Or a stage. With the queue for the buffet behind me.

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

Until one feels the spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward display--so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn't the holly, it isn't the snow. It isn't the tree not the firelight's glow. It's the warmth that comes to the hearts of men when the Christmas spirit returns again.

A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate."

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

I never pay for Chinese food." "Explain." "Because it's my favorite." "Explain better." "I started eating it all the time.....It became less special. It got old. It was my favorite, but it got old and dull, and your favorite's not supposed to do that. So I decided I'd never buy it again. It could only be a gift. And now its special again. Like Christmas." "You're a philosopher, Charlie." "Philosophy is just tricks you play on yourself to through the week.

I believe the pogroms of November '38 made less impression on the nation than cutting the bar of chocolate for Christmas.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

Having a birthday cake squashed into your face by young kids? Delicious. I always don a Santa suit at Christmas. Remaining childish is a tremendous state of innocence.

Christmas is over and Business is Business.

When the cadres banned his students from singing any actual Christmas carols in a stage version of ''A Christmas Carol,'' he had them substitute patriotic Communist songs -- which actually improved Dickens: ''My favorite scene was when a furious Scrooge swung his cane at a band of merry carolers who were belting out 'The East Is Red,' singing the praises of Mao Zedong while the old man shouted, 'Humbug!

We make a big deal out of Christmas; we should make an even bigger deal out of March 25. The greatest event in history, the Incarnation, happened at the Annunciation, not the Nativity.

Christmas fell upon Eastvale like a knife-wielding mugger desperate for a fix ...

In any crowd there is a malcontent or two, and the Easter crowd is no exception. Someone invariably demands I speak out against the Easter Bunny. I am captivated by a great number of subjects, but have never worked up the enthusiasm to preach against rabbits, real or mythic. These are the same people who complain about Santa at Christmas and want me to take a swipe at Halloween.

You were in Sweden? Boomer asked. No, I said. The trip got called off at the last minute. Because of political the unrest In Sweden? Priya seemed skeptical. Yeah-isn't it strange how the Times isn't covering it? Half the country's on strike because of that thing the crown prince said about Pippi Longstocking Which means no meatballs for Christmas, if you know what I mean. That's so sad! Boomer said.

Why are there so many people out here?' Boomer asked as we bobbed and weaved roughly forward. 'Christmas shopping.' I explained. 'Already? Isn't it early to returning things?' I really had no sense of how his mind worked.

I love snow for the same reason I love Christmas. It brings people together as time stands still.

Prayer or not, I want to believe that, despite all eveidence to the contrary, it is possible for anyone to find that one special person. That person to spend Christmas with or grow old with or just take a nice silly walk in Central Park with. Somebody who wouldn't judge another for the prepositions they dangle, or their run-on sentences, who in turn wouldn't be judged for the snobbery of their language etymology inclinations.

Belief. That's what I want for Christmas. Look it up. Maybe there's more meaning there than I understand. Maybe you could explain it to me?

The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin Tubby Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.

The approach of Christmas signifies three things: bad movies, unforgivable television, and even worse theater. I'm talking bone-crushing theater, the type our ancient ancestors used to oppress their enemies before the invention of the stretching rack.