Quotes About Perception

As is often the case, these groups were more skilled in analyzing the perceived wrongness of others than in clearly expressing their own needs.

feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectations in that moment.

However, what lingered in my mind was that one person's dissatisfaction. We tend to notice what's wrong rather than what's right.

In 75 percent of the television programs shown during hours when American children are most likely to be watching, the hero either kills people or beats them up. This violence typically constitutes the "climax" of the show. Viewers, having been taught that bad guys deserve to be punished, take pleasure in watching this violence.

it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.

75 percent of the television programs shown during hours when American children are most likely to be watching, the hero either kills people or beats them up. This violence typically constitutes the "climax" of the show. Viewers, having been taught that bad guys deserve to be punished, take pleasure in watching this violence.

It's not what you do that counts, it's the quality of your attention.

In the world of judgments, our concern centers on "who is what.

Yes, I can handle your telling me what I did or didn't do, And I can handle your interpretations, but please don't mix the two.

While the effects of negative labels such as "lazy" and "stupid" may be more obvious, even a positive or an apparently neutral label such as "cook" limits our perception of the totality of another person's being.

if my partner wants more affection than I'm giving her, she is "needy and dependent." But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is "aloof and insensitive." If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is "picky and compulsive." On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is "sloppy and disorganized.

observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.

What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I've come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don't mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that's only my opinion. —Ruth Bebermeyer

The self is seen as a psychological fiction, which means that its relationships are essentially fiction.

We're accompanied by an internal play-by-play announcer who is forever proclaiming the way things supposedly are and should be in our game of life. This announcer believes it's being helpful, but it doesn't realize the commentaries are ruining the game. Not only is it covering over the real action, but it's setting us up for disappointment, since the game itself rarely matches what's supposed to be happening.

Successful people, however, believe there is always a link between what they have done and how far they have come—even when no link exists. It's delusional, but it is also empowering.

One of the greatest mistakes of successful people is the assumption, "I am successful. I behave this way. Therefore, I must be successful because I behave this way!" The challenge is to make them see that sometimes they are successful in spite of this behavior.

If you keep your mouth shut, no one can ever know how you really feel.

The moral: there's never anyone in the other boat. We are always screaming at an empty vessel. An empty boat isn't targeting us. And neither are all the people creating the sour notes in the soundtrack of our day.

As a rule, successful human beings tend to overweight our own strengths—and underweight our own weaknesses when evaluating others.

if you believe your colleague Bill is a jerk, you will filter Bill's actions through that belief. No matter what Bill does, you'll see it through a prism that confirms he's a jerk. Even the times when he's not a jerk, you'll interpret it as the exception to the rule that Bill's a jerk.

Frances Hesselbine knows that listening is a two-part maneuver. There's the part where we actually listen. And there's the part where we speak. Speaking establishes how we are perceived as a listener. What we say is proof of how well we listen. They are two sides of the same coin.

a simple question can trigger a simple response that's appropriate in one environment and completely wrong in another.