Quotes About Perception

Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions. They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own. Do not expect them to listen to, validate, understand, or support you. —Les Parker, PhD

Heldmann believes that things that get in the way of listening include preoccupation with your own point, distracting thoughts, deciding that you already know what the other person is going to say, and twisting the speaker's message to fit your expectations.

Pay attention to the person's words, body language, expressions, and tone of voice. This will help you validate the person's feelings. People with BPD are not always in touch with their own emotions, and by listening closely you may be able to hear beyond the words and detect the feelings that lie beneath the surface. In

Keep seeing shades of gray. Often, loved ones pick up the borderline defense mechanism of splitting, or seeing things in black and white. Keep in mind the subtleties inherent in all situations. Don't get drawn into the other person's extreme reactions; trust your instincts and form your own judgments.

But who are you? As the child of a parent with BPD and/or other emotional and cognitive difficulties, it may be surprisingly difficult to answer this question. You likely didn't have much mirroring, or validation, when you were young, which babies need in order to know where they stand in the world, that their feelings and observations and perceptions are healthy and normal. Without that early mirroring, it was difficult to see yourself, to know yourself…

Reflective listening is another helpful style of communicating where you give the speaker your impression of what he or she is feeling to show you are listening and that you care.

He regarded himself as an accomplished writer — a clear sign of madness in anyone.

I added that it was no fun to grow old, but that the compensation for it was that time turned your mental shit-detector into a highly calibrated instrument.

Listen to all the conversations of our world, between nations as well as between individuals. They are, for the most part, dialogues of the deaf.

David always pronounced the name to rhyme with Snowy, Tintin's faithful terrier, but his northern colleagues, like Mick Ronson, pronounced the Bow part to rhyme with plow.

David Bowie had grasped a fundamental truth: before you can be a genius, you have to seem like a genius.

Our judgments judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses, more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.

It would be impossible to "love" anyone or anything one knew completely. Love is directed towards what lies hidden in its object.

To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.

What one wrote playfully, another reads with tension and passion; what one wrote with tension and passion, another reads playfully.

That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false.

What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.

Everything simple is false. Everything complex is unusable.

The purpose of psychology is to give us a completely different idea of the things we know best.

My hand feels touched as well as it touches; reality says this, and nothing more.

Our judgements judge us; and nothing reveals us [or] exposes our weaknesses more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.

Life blackens at the contact of truth.

Every ironist has in mind a pretentious reader, mirror of himself.

Ce qu'il y a de plus profond dans l'homme, c'est la peau.