Quotes About Career

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.

Probably in a parallel universe not far from here, I'm working for Nintendo.

I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes half the battle. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone hires me.

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times." He shook his head. "A bar would not be a good career move for you.

Sure, Bob Dylan had some good songs. But he could have been a doctor.

I'd spent my whole career dealing with badasses taking care of my nine-month-old boy should be a lark.

If your career doesn't work out, write a book about it.

Think I have made a terrible mistake going to college. Have decided to become a shepherd and spend my days tending to flocks of goats

I've never suffered from writer's block. I have plenty of ideas, sometimes too many. I've always had a strong imagination. If it dries up I'll stop and look for another career.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box.

Mr. Franz, I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one.

I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.