Quotes About Asshole

The Customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is an asshole. That's the first rule of retail.

Stridey-Man' asked, Want 2 vacay w/me? William snorted as he typed. Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type, dickwad. Fuck U. i'm everybody's types. So U in or out?Last chance in or out? In Knew U couldn't resist me. B ready in 5. Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it. ASSHOLE.

Happy to say you passed the sobriety test. Sad to say you failed the asshole test.

Or in a gothic version of the genre, the asshole is the jerk who's the first to get chopped up in a slasher film or the first to be chomped up in one of the Hannibal Lecter movies. But Lecter himself is the furthest thing in the world from an asshole. Whatever else he may be, he's scarcely self-deluded.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

Are you an asshole, Michael?" she asked. He laughed. "What?" "An asshole. Because you look like a really nice guy, and I've found they make the biggest closet assholes.

we are the sickest of the breed--as fine museums--great art-- generations of knowledge--are all forgotten as we find profundity in being an asshole--

I've got to get back to the typewriter, I thought. Art takes discipline. Any asshole can chase a skirt. I drank, thinking about it. At

We would parachute in like typical asshole Americans and be completely clueless about what kind of trip we were actually on, asking questions like, "When do we start shooting the animals? Where is the freshest sushi? When do we meet Aretha Franklin, and where are the squash courts?" I'd also insist on hunting live lobster and killing it with my handgun.

Of course, there are white beets, beets that ooze sugar water instead of blood, but it is the red beet with which we are concerned; the variety that blushes and swells like a hemorrhoid, a hemorrhoid for which there is no cure. (Actually, there is one remedy: commission a potter to make you a ceramic asshole—and when you aren't sitting on it, you can use it as a bowl for borscht.)

To become the meat of an asshole sandwich seemed like destiny.

I'm like an asshole in a sitcom who learns the same fucking lesson every week and this is my life .

I start to walk up the stairs and he rants about what an asshole I am and what his father's gonna do to me and then he's begging, "Gimme a copy of the David Foster Wallace! I'll read it! I'll read it and then you can make a test I swear! Joe! Joe!" The basement is insulated. Mr. Mooney put his money into making this place a private place. Benji can scream all he wants and nobody's gonna hear him,

That was a charming invitation, she murmured, then arched a brow when the man peeled open his fly patch and wagged his personality at her. Oh, look, kitty. A teeny-tiny little penis. She smiled, leaned just a bit closer. Better take care of it, asshole, or my pussy here might mistake it for a teeny-tiny little mouse and bite it off. It made her feel better to see what there was of his pride and joy shrivel before he closed his flaps.

Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume—which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile.

It looked like Tohr and the kid had a lot in common: Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume—which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile.

Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume—which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile. Christ

He had a hint of a British accent; either he was American and had been educated in England or was English and had been living in America too long. (Or he just could have been an asshole.)

an officer and a gentleman by an act of Congress, but an asshole by choice." The military also discourages

Bitten? You mean you're a-" "A werewolf," said the girl. "Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole's sister.

You're in a story and the body writing it is an asshole. You had to know that, given the action. The story you're in tells you like firing a gun…[I] had enough of it, of things happening one after another and no end in sight. Of reversals and falling in love and tragic flaws and by God if I see another motif in my business I will shoot it dead.

Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it.

You don't think I'm really a secretly sensitive and Christlike manifestation of perfect love?" "No way, dude," Denny says. "You're an asshole." And I say, "Thanks. Just checking.

To create a race of masters from a race of slaves, Mr. Whittier said, to teach a controlled group of how to create their own lives, Moses had to be an asshole.