Quotes About Empathy

Resist the temptation to "make better" instantly. Instead of giving advice, continue to accept and reflect on your child's feelings.

When we describe the event (instead of talking about what "you did"), we seem to make it easier for the child to hear what the problem is and deal with it.

When children want something they can't have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can't have it. Often, the harder we explain, the harder they protest.

The father was astonished. He hadn't asked questions and yet the child had told him the whole story. He hadn't given one word of advice, and yet the child had worked out his own solution. It seemed unbelievable to him that he could have been so helpful to his son just by listening and acknowledging his feelings.

Conclusion: What people of all ages can use in a moment of distress is not agreement or disagreement; they need someone to recognize what it is they're experiencing.

Refrain from giving the child information she already knows.

All we can do is attempt to understand our children's feelings. We won't always succeed, but our efforts are usually appreciated.

By being kind to ourselves, we teach our children to be kind to themselves.

in a caring relationship there was no room for punishment.

It's much more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, "I see something is making you sad," rather than to be interrogated with "What happened?" or "Why do you feel that way?" It's easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you're feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.

There is an important message built into this approach. It says, "When there is conflict between us, we no longer have to mobilize our forces against each other and worry about who will emerge victorious and who will go down in defeat. Instead, we can put our energy into searching for the kinds of solutions that respect both our needs as individuals.

We found that when we accepted our children's feelings they were more able to accept the limits we set for them.

Compassion is always appreciated, whether it comes sooner or later.

this approach was permissive only in the sense that all feelings were permitted. For example, "I can see that you're having fun making designs in the butter with your fork." But that doesn't mean that you have to permit a child to behave in a way that's unacceptable to you. As you remove the butter, you can also let the young "artist" know that "Butter is not for playing with. If you want to make designs, you can use your clay.

by listening with full attention, by acknowledging his feelings with a word, by giving a name to his feelings, and by granting him his wishes in fantasy.

more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, "I see something is making you sad," rather than to be interrogated with "What happened?" or "Why do you feel that way?" It's easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you're feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.

the question "Why?" only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation.

when our words are infused with our real feelings of empathy that they speak directly to a child's heart.

So there you have it—four possible ways to give first aid to a child in distress: by listening with full attention, by acknowledging his feelings with a word, by giving a name to his feelings, and by granting him his wishes in fantasy.

A Quick Reminder . . . To Engage a Child's Cooperation 1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE, OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM. "There's a wet towel on the bed." 2. GIVE INFORMATION. "The towel is getting my blanket wet." 3. SAY IT WITH A WORD. "The towel!" 4. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL. "I don't like sleeping in a wet bed!" 5. WRITE A NOTE. (above towel rack) Please put me back so I can dry. Thanks! Your Towel

TO HELP WITH FEELINGS 1. Listen with full attention. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word—"Oh" . . . "Mmm" . . . "I see." 3. Give their feelings a name. 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

It's much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. Sometimes a sympathetic silence is all a child needs.

Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings Children Need to Have Their Feelings Accepted and Respected. 1. YOU CAN LISTEN QUIETLY AND ATTENTIVELY. 2. YOU CAN ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS WITH A WORD.     ââ'¬Å"Oh . . . Mmm . . . I see . . ." 3. YOU CAN GIVE THE FEELING A NAME.     ââ'¬Å"That sounds frustrating!" 4. YOU CAN GIVE THE CHILD HIS WISHES IN FANTASY.     ââ'¬Å"I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!

became aware of how far gone I was when I found myself trying to Scotch-tape a broken pretzel together to stop my four-year-old from crying.