Quotes from Robert A. Glover

Do you believe that people can see your human imperfections and still love you? How would you be different if you knew the people who care about you would never leave you or stop loving you — no matter what?

As they become aware of how much time and energy they spend trying to garner approval, they can begin living an inside-out kind of life. This means, rather than focusing outward for acceptance and approval, they turn inward. In doing so, they can begin asking themselves the important questions: "What do I want," "What feels right to me," "What would make me happy?

Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man. As recovering Nice Guys chart their own

all Nice Guys developed the same paradigm: "If I am good, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.

Many of these mothers raised their daughters to not need a man. At

Decisions are now made by one individual, rather than by a committee. He no longer has to mind read, predict, or try to please multiple voices with conflicting agendas. When putting himself first all the information he needs to make a decision is within him: "Is this what I want? Yes. Then that's what I'll do.

Nice Guys are wimps. This may not sound like a nice thing to say, but it's true. Nice Guys tend to be wimpy victims because their life paradigm and childhood survival mechanisms require them to sacrifice their personal power.

Breaking Free Activity #34 Are there any areas in your personal relationships in which you avoid setting appropriate boundaries? Do you: •?Tolerate intolerable behavior. •?Avoid dealing with a situation because it might cause conflict. •?Not ask for what you want. •?Sacrifice yourself to keep the peace. If you applied the Second Date rule or the Healthy Male rule to these situations, how might you change your behavior?

Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

They're really not trying to protect anyone from harm, they're just trying to keep their world smooth and under control. I

What gets us into trouble is not what don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain

Helpless, whiny, wimpy, and needy are not attractive on a man. Confidence and self-assurance are attractive. Most folks are attracted to men who have a sense of self. Putting the self first doesn't drive people away, it attracts them. Putting the self first is essential for getting what one wants in love and life.

I define masculinity as that part of a man that equips him to survive as an individual, clan, and species. Without this masculine energy we would have all become extinct eons ago. Masculinity empowers a man to create and produce. It also empowers him provide for and protect those who are important to him.

An integrated male doesn't strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others. Instead, he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all. An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect.

I have found Nice Guys to be prone to hidden, compulsive sexual behavior. I have developed a theory that states, the nicer the guy, the darker the sexual secrets. I find this to be consistently true. Sex is a basic human drive. Because most Nice Guys believe they are bad for being sexual, or believe that other people will think they are bad, sexual impulses have to be kept hidden from view.

Later, Elizabeth revealed to me (and several of her friends) how much safer she felt when I had my feelings. She was able to hear that I was upset about the car but that I didn't think she was bad, and I wasn't going to abandon her. The fact that I had such intensity about not letting her push me away actually made her feel secure and loved. As a result, she felt safe to stay connected to me and hear my feelings about the car.

women, security means not having to guess what a man is thinking or where he wants to go. Furthermore, it means not having to take responsibility for making all the decisions and not having to take charge.

Developing integrity is an essential part of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome. My definition of integrity is "deciding what feels right and doing it.

In time, they also learn that boundary setting isn't about getting other people to be different. It's about getting themselves to be different. If someone is crossing their boundary, it isn't the other person's problem; it is theirs.

What do I think is right?" or uses the committee method, he will always be out of integrity. If he asks himself what he believes is right but doesn't do it, he is also out of integrity. Only by asking himself what he believes is right and then doing it does he become a man of integrity.

Choose one area in which you have been out of integrity. Identify your fear that keeps you from telling the truth or doing the right thing. Reveal this situation to a safe person. Then go and tell the truth or do what you have to do to make the situation right. Tell yourself you can handle it. Since telling the truth may create a crisis for you or others, have faith that everyone involved will survive this crisis.

handing his paycheck over to Susan to control, he began giving himself an allowance to spend how he

By trying to please everyone, Nice Guys often end up pleasing no one — including themselves.

Nice Guys have a difficult time comprehending that in general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual's life energy.