Quotes from Rick Brinkman

Be specific about the problem behavior.

Show them how their behavior is self-defeating. To create self-motivation for change, you have to show them how something important to them is lost because of their behavior.

In your relationships with others, be wary of criticizing. Feedback helps people improve their performance, and as such, is a positive thing. Criticism rarely improves, and generally destroys, whatever it is aimed at. When people offer suggestions or share their ideas and accomplishments with you, practice noticing and talking about what you like before offering your feedback on how to improve it.

the less difficult you are, the fewer the number of difficult people you'll have to deal with.

People need to learn that, while nice is nice, reliable is twice as nice.

Whenever you speak to be understood, your communications will inevitably have an influence on your problem people. If they become defensive, be willing to temporarily drop what you are saying and totally focus on their reaction to it. Do your best to fully understand by backtracking, clarifying, summarizing, and confirming.

ACTION PLAN 1. Monitor your tone of voice. 2. State your positive intent. 3. Tactfully interrupt interruptions. 4. Tell your truth. 5. Be ready to listen.

Other studies have similarly revealed that to some degree, people rise or fall to the level of others' expectations.

And whenever your difficult people behave in a manner that you would like to see repeated, learn to say, "That's one of the things I like about you. You ...," and describe their positive behavior as a way of reinforcing their identification with it.

When you verbally appreciate people who are criticizing you, you're letting go of the need to defend, explain, or justify your behavior. You

When People Are at Their Worst Your Goal: Project and Expect the Best ACTION PLAN 1. Use Pygmalion Power. 2. Give the benefit of the doubt. 3. Appreciate criticism.

The first step is to decide what you want. What attitude will help you get along with your difficult people? Do you want to be calm? Confident? Assertive? Relaxed? Caring? Patient? Determined? A combination of these? Give the resource a description name. If you name it, you can have it.

Perhaps you've heard the proverb, "Give people a fish and they eat for a day, but teach them to fish and they eat for a lifetime." Well, it is also true that "you can lead people to water, but you can't make them fish.

your behavior changes as your priorities change.

Know-It-Alls control people and events by dominating the conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments, and they eliminate opposition by finding flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because Know-It-Alls are actually knowledgeable and competent.

Studies show that people who love their jobs, as well as husbands and wives who are happily married, feel appreciated for what they do and who they are.

Know-It-Alls like Dr. Leavitt are knowledgeable and extremely competent people, highly assertive and outspoken in their viewpoints.

The next time a spouse or friend says something in an attacking manner, rather than defend against the attack, blend with the intent by saying, "I appreciate that you care about me, and I want to clear the air between us." There's a real possibility that the person will stop in his or her tracks and calm down and that real communication will ensue.

Any attempt to attack, defend, or withdraw will work against you. Instead, you must restrain these reactive tendencies, find the courage to stand your ground, and then step forward in the face of this determined opposition.

Whenever you're being verbally assaulted, attacked, and accused, your goal must be to command respect because Tanks simply don't attack people they respect. Aggressive people require assertive responses. Your behavior must send a clear signal that you are strong and capable because anything less is an invitation for further attacks.

Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection, and no one and nothing measures up to it. But misery loves company, so they bring their problems to you. Offering solutions makes you bad company, so their whining escalates.

Another intent behind behavior is to get along with people. This is necessary if you want to create and develop relationships. When there are people with whom you want to get along, you may be less assertive as you put their needs above your own. If getting along is your top priority and people ask where you would like to go for lunch, you might respond, "Where would you like to go?

person in the get along mode will be considerate of the opinions and feelings of others.

When people have the same priorities, a misunderstanding or conflict is highly unlikely