Quotes from Louis C.K.

When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together.

I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.