Quotes from Jill Conner Browne

Try to avoid getting involved with somebody who's gonna need killing before it's over. It may seem to you that that narrows the field somewhat, but be diligent.

If there exists in this universe anything more infuriating and crazy-making than a man, I don't know what it is, thank you, and I don't want to know.

Cheap jewelry, however, is worse than no jewelry at all, and there are very few things in life than are worse than no jewelry at all.

Always wear pretty underwear, on account of you just never know.

If some area of your life sucks - do something else. Life is too short - and too long - to spend it being miserable. Life may indeed be short but it is for a fact wide. It is high time we started settling for more.

Stay fit and live long and prosper, but write your own obituary now, while you can, just in case.

If you are stuck sweating on a sandbar in the river of your life you've got to find a way back into those swift effervescent currents of joy that are your birthright.

Life. It's your birthday present. Open it up and play with it. Act like you like it. (The One who gave it to you is watching, after all. Don't want to hurt his feelings.) And if you don't like your life, CHANGE IT. It is all yours.

I believe that the ability to laugh at oneself is fundamental to the resiliency of the human spirit.

What if, when you woke up in the morning, ALL you had LEFT was what you had thanked God for the night before?

My sister, Judy, has always said that she would like to lie in state, propped up in her coffin with her eyes blared wide open, face fixed in a big grin, and have a taped greeting for all her mourners. Something real upbeat and, well, live-sounding, like: 'He-e-e-ey!Cuteshoestellyomamahi!

It's vitally important that you buy your own crown and declare yourself Queen, and then spend the rest of your life living into that.

The lesson of the Funk Dog: "You can forget what it used to feel like to feel good about life; feeling rotten—or just a low-grad funk—seems normal and therefore acceptable. I just don't believe that God intended for any of his creatures to be petted with sticks.

Rich old people are more attractive than poor old people, so by all means, try to get rich before age sets in. Otherwise, you'll just be playing catch-up for the rest of your life and that will just wear you out, let me tell you.

Be particular. That is, without a doubt, the Best Advice Ever Given in the History of the Entire World. Consider, if you will, the profound effect that following that advice would have on, say, your diet, your love life, your financial situation, your decision on whether to have that next drink. I mean, what do those two words not cover?

there is a difference between "denial" and "delusion." The difference is that denial is a fun game and delusion is pitiable and requires meds that you will be too delusional to enjoy.

They know they're supposed to do something, but they're not sure what. And you know what they do when they're not sure-- of course you do: They either do the wrong thing or they do nothing, and it's a toss up as to which is worse.

Suzanne Sugarbaker of Designing Women was so right when she said, "There's just nothing better in life than to ride around on the back of a convertible with a crown on your head." Words to live by.

Pre-forty, you can wash your face with Tide and use Vaseline for moisturizer, toss on a little mascara and lip gloss, and you're a friggin' cover girl. Those of us on the slippery slope that is the Other Side of Forty can testify-- those days are so over. You pore over labels promising everything short of actual rebirth-- you will buy most of them for an average of $450 per quarter once-- and none of them will work. You will still be getting older and poorer with every passing purchase.

All of a sudden, when I take my hair down, I don't look like a flower child anymore. I look like Loretta Lynn. This is not a good look—for Loretta or me.

Cheap jewelry, however, is worse than no jewelry at all, and there are very few things in life that are worse than no jewelry at all.

Gold nugget jewelry is bad.

Do not ever give a Queen a home appliance as a gift. Period. The end.

All that is to say that the dark is our friend, and this is precisely what it was invented for. Most of us spend most of our time in the daylight, however, so it behooves us to get to the gym.