Quotes from Jim Fay

When things are done right, be emotional. When things are done poorly, be nonemotional, matter-of-fact, and consequential.

Modeling is the secret to instilling a sense of responsibility about personal belongings.

He said what he meant, and he meant what he said. Most important, he backed his wife to the hilt. He didn't allow Blake to drive a wedge between Lisa and him.

Sincere empathy works wonders. Sarcastic empathy backfires every time.

many parents don't do a good job of helping their kids distinguish between a want and a need. Young children don't naturally place limits on themselves; that is the parents' job.

When the bossy bit happens, our first response is a genuine extended smile at the child. This unexpected turn of events gives him or her time to think, to wonder what in the world is going on. Then we say something like "Nice try, Alicia. Nice try. What do you think happens in this family when people get really bossy? Does it help or not? But please don't answer that now. Just give it some thought." Then we walk off.

Start when they're cute, so they will stay that way!

we should be there with the needed hint or explanation—but only if our kids ask for it, and only as long as it's profitable. When we start to become irritated, we've helped enough.

When children do blow it, they need to know that they can come to their parents and that their parents are still going to love them and do their best to remain calm.

When children say they are bored, it usually means "I want you to spend more time with me." Playing with our kids is one of the great joys of parenting.

The risk of relying too much on trying to control children from the outside in, is that this often causes rebellion from the inside out.

The parent should keep their response empathetic yet vague: "I want you to have that, and you can—as soon as you have a plan for how this isn't going to be a problem." Wise parents keep their response fairly open ended in order to keep the child thinking about the situation and how to move forward.

all of our investigative questioning, done when our kids might be telling the truth, may breed a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's been said that if we wrongly accuse our kids twice for the same thing, they'll set out to prove us right. You can almost hear them say with a sigh, "You think I do it anyway, so I might as well do it.

Generally, honesty is conveyed to our kids through our actions, not our commands. We need to step back and analyze the model we are presenting to our kids.

these things may be little, but they have more impact on our kids than all the lectures about honesty we could ever deliver.

It is often effective to say, "Well, it looks like things are not going well for you right now. When you get yourself to the point of putting your thoughts into words, come and talk to me. I'll be glad to listen." Then break eye contact and move on.

We might say, "My kids used to listen to me, but now they won't. Boy, have they ever changed." Wrong again. They haven't changed one iota. They're still listening to a voice outside their heads—it's just not ours anymore.

The blue coat or the red coat? Put the mittens in the pocket or wear them? They have to decide; the little voice inside their head does the talking. The more decisions kids make, the more times we ask them questions instead of telling them what to do, and the more we discuss issues using thinking words, the less likely they'll be negatively influenced by peers later on.

We can hurt a little as we watch them learn life's lessons now, or we can hurt a lot as we watch them grow up to be individuals unable to care for themselves.

The problem is, rescuing parents often rescue out of their own needs. They like to heal hurts.

Pouting is another nonverbal sign of displeasure. Kids use it to beg their parents to talk to them.

You're welcome to_____or_____."      Ã¢â'¬Â¢ "Feel free to_____or_____."      Ã¢â'¬Â¢ "Would you rather_____or______?"      Ã¢â'¬Â¢ "What would be best for you — _____or_____?" 7 The Recipe for Success: Empathy with Consequences My child, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.

says people of all ages compare the amount of control they have in a relationship to only the amount of control they used to have—not to the amount they feel they should have. When more control is allotted with time, people are satisfied; when control is cut back, people are angry.

ensure that Aidan has a learning experience from this incident, his mom and dad must remember one thing: to keep their mouths shut. Save the words for happy times.