Quotes from Frank Portman

Communication is pointless and we're all doomed.

I'm not any religion myself, but for the record, I'm pretty sure I do believe in God. It's just a feeling I have. I can't prove it, but since when are you supposed to prove a feeling? God is the only situation where they expect you to do that. Plus, God embarrasses people. Which I totally enjoy.

When you say 'I want to fit in,' you are essentially volunteering yourself as a victim, and when the thing you want to fit in with is 'society' - well, as 'society' is just another word for government, you're basically begging the government to control you and use you as it wishes for its nefarious purposes, which can be pretty damn nefarious, if 'nefarious' means what I believe it does.

I was starting to realize the extent of the problem here: everyone is always lying to each other, and even when they're trying to tell the truth, it can still be misleading or wrong. In fact, it almost always is wrong from at least one angle. I mean, in a way, the truth is really just a better class of lie.

And believe me, you don't want to be around Migraine Mom. I strongly recommend avoiding that subject.

What he meant was that he had fixed some vegetarian slop with lentils and bean-curd lumps and weird-tasting fake cheese, and that we were welcome to have a crack at choking some of it down. So Sam Hellerman hightailed it out of there. Lucky bastard.

Now, if this were a murder mystery, and I were a weird Belgian guy with a big mustache, this is the point where I would suddenly stop dead, drop my tiny glass of chocolate liqueur, and say something like "But no! But I have been an imbecile! Imbécile!" And then you'd have to wait another fifty pages or so to find out exactly what the hell I had been talking about. But I won't do that to you. The salutation

I'm a very spiritual person," she likes to say, for instance. Like when she's explaining how she hates religion and all those who practice it. Well, okay, if it makes you feel better, Carol.

The guy who wrote The Doors of Perception got off way easier, though, especially since the worst band in the history of the world, the Doors, named themselves after it. He has a lot to answer for.

My attention was temporarily thrown off course, because of the possibly decent band name. Hot Underwear: Jesus the Thong Burglar on guitar and vox, Hellerman Schmellerman on bass and vox, "Phil Rudd" on drums, first album Wet and Loaded. The album cover possibilities alone would Ã¢â'¬Â¦ But I digress.