Quotes from Sally Helgesen

in the past, having a life while earning a living didn't seem like too much to ask. Today, even this basic goal has been redefined as 'having it all.

A range of studies confirms the truth of a common female perception: that men often have trouble hearing women when they speak. A typical example occurs in meetings where there are very few women present—or even only one, that one being you. You make a point or an observation during a discussion. No one comments or appears to notice. Other participants carry on with the conversation.

women are most likely to be evaluated based on their contributions, while men are most likely to be evaluated based on their potential—nebulous criteria that can result in a less qualified man getting the job.

The principle of neuroplasticity means that you have the ability to change how you respond to situations. Past experiences may shape your behaviour, but they need not determine it. you have the power to become more precise, more intentional, more present, more assertive, more autonomous, more at ease exercising authority, more confident setting boundaries, and a more effective advocate for yourself.

When you make a mistake or otherwise find yourself behaving like a human, the best practice is to leave it at the stream. Don't carry it around like that angry monk who kept obsessing about the other monk's behavior. Just lay that burden down and let it go.

But the survey also indicated that men tended to place greater value on attaining a high position and earning a high salary, whereas women placed a higher value on the actual experience of work.

As the business sage Peter Drucker famously noted " We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don't spend nearly enough time teaching them what to stop.

Instead of viewing money and position as the sole or even chief markers of success, women also tend to place a high value on the quality of their lives at work and the impact of their contributions. Enjoying co-workers and clients, having some degree of control over their time, and believing that their work makes a positive difference in the world are key motivators for many successful women.

The point is, your definition of rising is always going to be personal, individual to you. But one of the biggest impediments to rising is also personal and individual: being blind to the behaviors and habits that keep you stuck.

As the neural grooves of self-blame and regret get established, rumination becomes your default mode.

Maureen says, "It amazed me to realize that the women's tendency to focus on their work rather than effectively communicating what they were doing got interpreted as a lack of commitment. This seemed counterintuitive, because you'd think hard work would demonstrate loyalty.

High-profile women who seek to rise are routinely criticised as being "too ambitious". What does "too ambitious even mean? It seems to mean that any woman who is ambitious is unseemly, over-the-top, too nakedly self-interested to be trusted. Men are often described as ambitious, ofcourse, but rarely with the qualifier "too". It seems primarily reserved for ambitious women.Sits not very surprising that even very successful women are often reluctant to describe themselves as ambitious.

The emphasis is always on what you should do, never on what you should stop doing.

quickly saw Nancy's problem: a need to be liked and viewed as caring and giving by virtually everyone she met.

Passing judgment means feeling the need to impose your standards on others, as if their job were to live up to your expectations. You don't have to do this verbally. You can also judge another person in your hand, comparing his or her behavior to what you would do, usually in a way that shows you to be superior.

You're not big enough, so you don't belong. Others are more deserving than you are.

men sometimes mistrust women who are averse to claiming their achievements. They view such women as inauthentic, falsely humble, or lacking in commitment.

it lies in the capacity to be fully present. Present for a task, for a conversation, for the moment, for an opportunity. Present for your larger purpose in the world.

For the fact is that doing two things at once makes it impossible to be present for either because your attention is by definition fragmented.

When you're on autopilot, you are not really thinking about this situation, this moment, this challenge, or the specific response it requires. You're just reacting in a way that has become comfortable for you over time. Your brain saves a lot of energy this way. You expand fewer mental calories. But you're not really present for what you are doing. Which is why you are not considering whether your behavior is serving you now.

Another judgment pitfall you may encounter when trying to change a behavior is unconsciously expecting that others will change along with you.

She used the interview as an opportunity to be generous and supportive, while he focused on doing what he perceived to be his job.

the trick to maximizing your talents and opportunities is not becoming a less thoughtful and giving person, but rather being purposeful and intentional about your choices while also addressing the behaviors that keep you stuck.

First up was Nancy's pervasive sense of guilt. She felt self-conscious about going beyond her family's expectations, and feared being seen as "too big for her britches," a typical complaint in her family about anyone who was successful. As a result, Nancy was constantly trying to prove she didn't think she was better than anyone else. This made it almost impossible for her to say no.