Quotes from Bart King

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

you make me feel intelligent, especially when you talk

to a person zoning out- "your display is on screen saver

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"     —Rita Rudner Long

a 24-year-old carpenter in the Philippines was told a joke by a friend. The carpenter thought the joke was so funny, he laughed until he cried, collapsed, and then died. (Although I know what the joke was, I cannot tell it to you for your own safety.)

Another possibility is to use the Captain

Who was scarier - the girl who didn't care about the bigger picture, or the kids who did care, but were looking at the wrong picture?

ILUVUMED: I love you more each day

KAMU: Kiss and make up

UR O-O: You are cool

POS: Parent over shoulder

I hope you will leave the world a better place than you found it."     —Jane Yolen

You may not have known this, but animals can talk.

In 2005, Abercrombie & Fitch ran an ad campaign like this and sold T-shirts with mottos like "Who needs brains when you have these?" and "Blondes Are Adored, Brunettes Are Ignored.

Oreo hug, where two people hug a person in between them.

No Kidding! Don't you hate it when a Mean Girl says something mean, and then adds, "Just kidding." Like that helps!

When Queen Elizabeth I (1533–1603) found out who had published a nasty pamphlet about her, she had the authors' right hands cut off. Now there's an idea! (Or not.) For the moment, let's say that a Mean Girl is treating you

just rub two Boy Scouts together for a spark. If

Dolphins. They think they're so cute. Oh, look at me, I'm a flippy little dolphin, let me flip for you."     —Chum in Finding Nemo

the Internet! You knew the Mad Scientists invented the World Wide Web, right? Yep, back in the 1970s, the "Net" was a project designed to help with military communication. And here's the beauty of DARPA's mad scientists: they share their inventions whenever they can. Whenever DARPA comes up with an invention that will help society, they give it away. So, we ALL get to use the Internet. Thanks, DARPA!

You: Why did you pick my first name? Your dad: I don't remember. You: I see. Can you give me an example of something else you can't remember? Your dad: Uh . . . what? You: Did you like the sound of my name? Your dad: Yes. Your name rhymes with platypus, and that has always been one of our favorite animals.

Dancing en pointe, or up on the toes, was not originally part of ballet. It came about in the early 1800s as a way of making the dancers appear lighter and more graceful. The

Can I borrow your face for a few days while my butt is on vacation?

I don't trust short people. Their brains are too near their butt.