Quotes from Tara Bennett-Goleman

Stepping back from our thoughts through mindfulness gives us the freedom to question the thoughts and so be less controlled by them.

Mindfulness gives us breathing space from this conditioning.

As another general antidote for distress, the Dalai Lama recommends caring for others despite our own problems. "The space of awareness is small, so our personal distress looms large," as he puts it. "But the moment you think of helping others, the mind expands, and our own problems seem smaller.

Bringing an automatic habit into awareness in order to change it is a crucial step.

I realized that part of my struggle was in wishing things were different:

There goes that schema again!"—we can take steps to change what happens next.

Automatic thoughts are the slippery initial defining thoughts of a schema, the ones that prime the flood of feelings and lead to a schema attack.

But once we become aware that the sequence is starting, we can consciously and intentionally initiate a different, more constructive response.

The ability to bring a lightheartedness and humor to our schemas is a powerful way to reframe these weighty thoughts.

Nurturing others can be very healing and nurturing for you, too—if you're not feeling deprived.

Understanding, too, can be a form of forgiveness.

When we examine the thoughts that empower a schema—like looking at a lab specimen under a microscope—their irrationality becomes fairly obvious.

Having counter-thoughts ready makes it easier to challenge them, once mindfulness has brought them to your attention.

Bringing mindfulness to the moment, she was able to step back enough to ask herself, "Do I want to make this real?" That gave her a chance to answer herself, "No"—and she would drop it.

often suggest that my clients use an inner dialogue with their schemas, talking back to the thoughts rather than remaining passive.

Opening up a space in her mind gave her more choice in the moment.

When therapy was successful, two kinds of changes showed up in person after person: the schemas' grip on their lives loosened, and the script changed for the better its typical outcome.

recognize them as mere thoughts, seeing them as well-worn ruts in the mind: "Oh, I'm having those thoughts again." As we recognize them for what they are, we break their tyranny in the mind.

When she caught herself in such moments, she'd talk back to her deprivation schema, saying, "I'm not depriving you if I don't eat this ice cream.

When the amygdala heats up with intense activity, emotionally loaded thoughts loom larger in our field of attention.

The second way mindfulness disempowers schema thoughts has to do with the nature of attention itself.

Schemas have distinctive emotional flavors: abandonment triggers anxiety,

This would explain how our schemas shape so powerfully the way things seem, almost as though they cast a spell over us.

mistrust elicits rage, deprivation can foster a deep sadness.