Quotes from Tristan Taormino

The truth is, many people do not consciously choose monogamy; society chooses it for them, and it becomes the default.

Because you make lesbian fist-fucking videos," he said.

Emotionalism without intellect from victims without power was how lynch mobs and nationwide hate groups were formed—the basic strategy of fascism, I concluded with a shiver.

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is? —George Bernard Shaw

Jealousy is really an umbrella term for a constellation of feelings including envy, competitiveness, insecurity, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved, and feeling left out.

Work to achieve balance, rather than equality. This is not simply a matter of semantics; there is a difference. Balance means that everyone is generally getting their needs met; no one is compromising too much or feeling too limited by the agreement. All partners have agreed to priorities concerning the time and energy they dedicate to the relationship, and each partner's actions reflect these priorities. No one feels taken advantage of.

si no se confía en que una mujer tome decisiones sobre su propio cuerpo, ¿cómo se la puede ver como autónoma en lo que respecta al resto de su vida?

It's very easy to be distracted by all the good feelings that come with having sex with someone for the first time, or getting to know a new sexual partner. You can get caught up in the giddy feelings, become focused on the outside sex and the outside partners, and take your primary relationship for granted.

Telling the truth is not always easy, especially when you feel that the disclosure will hurt someone you love. But withholding information to protect someone is not only unfair to them, it is counterproductive to the relationship.

There has to be a kind of gravitational pull toward each other. If all of your focus is on yourselves, you're just going to fly off in different directions, and there's not going to be a relationship. I think a commitment to kindness can be the gravity that keeps you in orbit.

That's what's so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don't understand about us is that we're geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes.

You are the evil scientist of your desires. - Ignacio Rivera

I think we are doing poor sex education if we don't look at how erotic behavior actually takes place, and offer people interventions that are reasonable. - Pat Califia

Nonmonogamous folks recognize that during a lifetime you can and will be attracted to other people even if you are in a wonderful, fulfilling relationship; they make room in their relationship for these attractions rather than allow them to cause anxiety, jealousy, and unreasonable expectations.

Nonmonogamous folks are constantly engaged in their relationships: they negotiate and establish boundaries, respect them, test them, and, yes, even violate them. But the limits are not assumed or set by society; they are consciously chosen.

Sex-positive feminism embraces the entire range of human sexuality and is based on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom. - Madison Young

Open marriage thus can be defined as a relationship in which the partners are committed to their own and to each other's growth. It is an honest and open relationship of intimacy and self-disclosure based on the equal freedom and identity of both partners.

Open relationships can give you the freedom to create unique relationships, explore yourself and your sexuality, and challenge society's expectations.

This is the myth of finding "the One": the one partner you're "meant" to be with, your soul mate, your Prince Charming, the girl of your dreams. Nonmonogamous folks reject this myth and acknowledge that no one person can be, or should be expected to be, everything for another.

Another [interviewee] told me that because her relationships aren't built on false ideas about exclusivity forever, she feels more cherished by her partners; she said, "There is an investment in what we have rather than what we should have.

People in open relationships enjoy exploring different dynamics with different people-sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Non-monogamy gives them the opportunity to create unique relationships that nourish and support each other.

Honestly, everyone loves more than one person and people often lie about that. We're just not lying about it'…

Jealousy is really an umbrella term for a constellation of feelings including envy, competitiveness, insecurity, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved, and feeling left out. To say simply "I am jealous" is far too vague, since it means different things to different people and it manifests itself in so many diverse ways.

Hotel-Room Coffee Tables I'll admit to this one. They're just not as sturdy as they look. It's really hard to find wood glue at 9 a.m., before checkout.