Quotes from Internet meme, March 2020

Can we uninstall 2020 and re-install it? This version has a virus.

If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.

So if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?

Just tested positive for claustrophobia.

Does anyone know if we can shower now? Or should we just keep washing our hands?

Am I the only one who ate my two weeks of quarantine snacks all on the first day?

I need to do some social distancing from the refrigerator.

I took a nap today just to stop eating.

I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg; tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Better six feet apart than six feet under.

Homeschooling going well. Two students suspended for fighting, one teacher let go for drinking on the job.

The Quarantini — any martini imbibed in solitude during coronavirus lockdown

Quarantini — just a regular martini, but you drink it alone at home

The Quarantini — just add vitamin C to a martini and it's a germ killer and an immunity booster in one!

Quarantini recipe — 2 parts whatever alcohol you have lying around and 1 part boredom

How to make a quarantini: Add 4 fl oz vodka, 1 Tbs NyQuil, 1 Tylenol PM, and garnish with a multivitamin.

I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

Coughing is the new farting.

When this is over, please continue to stay at least six feet away from me.

We used to think the apocalypse would be anarchy and zombies. Turns out it's home offices and no toilet paper.

After all the stupid things I've done in my life, hope I don't die just because I touched my face.

9-1-1, what is your emergency? Hello, there are eleven people hanging out together and one of them has the sniffles.

The generation of babies born 9 months from now will be known as Children of the Quarn.

Coronacation 2020 begins.